Dream: Unassisted Footling Breech Homebirth by Surrogate

Sleep deprivation can do some very strange things. Including give you a homebirth.

WHAT?!

Yep. Sleep deprivation gave me a homebirth the other morning. With the biggest twist EVA!

I'd been up late the night before, as in all night. I caught about 2 hours of sleep after getting the kids off to school with Hubby and woke up from the most vivid, realistic dream I think I've ever had.

So what did this dream involve?

An unassisted homebirth (no midwife or doctor).
In someone else's home, not mine.
Oh, and baby was a footling breech.
And did I mention that I was a surrogate for my long-time friend, Ashley?

Let me walk you through the weirdness that is my subconscious:

Dream: Unassisted Footling Breech Homebirth by Surrogate

Gratitude List: To Prevent Flipping Your Shit

The last few days have been a rollercoaster. Mostly things I cannot control, yet rain down chaos and frustration from the heavens. I have had several not-so-proud mama moments. I have yelled. I have given mean looks. I have threatened. And I even flipped my shit exactly once.

I went through something similar to this a few years ago. It was not pretty. I did not like the person I was during that rough patch, let alone the parent I was. But I managed to soldier on and learned a lot from it. Namely, the warning signs that shit flipping was imminent so that I could head it off at the pass. Trust me, that is a HUGE deal. If not for me knowing those signs, I might be curled up somewhere quoting The Mad Hatter. You know, after flipping my shit...times infinity.

One of the things that has stuck with me a lot lately is this:

I have calmed the storm in my mind by thinking of these words. I do need to focus more on what is going right than wrong, especially in times like this. It leads to less shit flipping, as previously stated.

I remember in 8th grade English class that we did a project in November where we kept a list and wrote 5 things daily that we were grateful for. At the time, I was dealing with crappy family situations and the death of a close friend. I truly NEEDED that daily list, it helped me through.

The teacher kept emphasizing the importance of recognizing these things in our life that we were thankful for because it was good for the mind and soul. My first few days were filled with "typical" things: parents, siblings, home, friends, food. But it evolved to more: the cool crisp in the air, the warmth of the autumn sun, the acrobatic leaves swirling through the sky. Focusing on the mini-blessings helped to ease the burden of the big picture.

As I have struggled the last few days, I have found my soul reminding my heart of little things that have had a positive effect, even if minute. Hopefully listing them will help me lift my spirit a little further out of this funk and maybe help someone out there in the Interwebz.

So here is my handy dandy Gratitude List (TOO much Blues Clues lately, it is affecting my handy dandy vocab) from the last few days, in no particular order.

New Beginnings

When I started this blog, I was looking for an outlet. I'd always been a writer and, more importantly, a voracious reader. One of the best ways I process information is by writing my thoughts out. So it is only natural that after many years of neglecting this side of myself that I really NEEDED to return to writing. Not professional writing, but cathartic writing. THAT is what I loved doing in the past. Writing to work out and analyze literature, but also writing to work out my own thoughts on my life.

Monkey's pregnancy and birth really took an emotional toll on me, opening my eyes up to a new world that I was not aware of before in many different aspects of my life. I had never fathomed attempting an unmedicated birth, breastfeeding for longer than 6 months, babywearing, delayed vaccinations, cloth diapering, etc. NONE of these things were even on my radar. So the entire experience not only opened my eyes, it changed my entire frame of reference, giving me a new perspective on life in general.

Oh Where, Oh Where Did My Informed Consent Go?

Did you just sing that? Because I totally did. It's been running in my head all day long and I have been waiting and waiting for that time of day when I can actually plop down and get some me-time to work on a post. Which, as any mother knows, translates to after the kids are in bed and I catch up on a few things around the house and online.

So here I sit, thinking back to the way I used to treat medical decisions. You know, before I made INFORMED medical decisions. I would go to the doctor, they would tell me the course of treatment we were going to take, and I would not question their standard policies and procedures. Why would I? They went to MEDICAL school. They have MEDICAL degrees. I'm just a lowly person with no medical training, why should I question what they want to do in regards to my health?

Opposites Attract

Opposites attract.
Likes attract also, but aren't nearly as interesting.
When opposites attract, the reaction can create quite a spectacle.

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this. I know I would be. My blog has mostly focused on a few areas of my life where I have developed some "crunch." Or as I refer to it, a little more natural, a little more green, and a whole lot cheaper. So why am I delving into something that seems so far removed from my usual posts?

Because my life is FULL of opposites attracting.
And by that, I mean that Hubby is truly my polar opposite so much of the time.
This causes some conflicts at times. And by conflicts, I mean full on battles in the war that is parenting and life in general.

We are not always on the same page for many of the issues that come up in the course of our marriage, family, and lifestyle. This can cause some...let's call it marital discord.




Marital Discord



10 Parenting Principles I Wish I'd Known: Episode One

Each of us can look back on our lives and wish we had known something "back then" that we know now. I had read a quote not to long ago that was along the lines of "Better to get the information before the decision instead of getting the information after the decision and regretting the choice that was made."

That got me thinking. I'd already posted before about my perspective on my parenting past. I have no regrets, only experience. But what if I had made different decisions because I had access to different information? What do I wish I had known "back then" that I know to be true in my heart now?

No Regrets, Only Experience

Yesterday, I was finally using a gift certificate to a salon from my birthday and started making small talk with a stranger. She asked why it had taken me so long to use the gift certificate and I explained that it had been a very busy year since Monkey was born and that I had just not made the time to schedule an appointment.

As many conversations go when children are mentioned, we started talking about my children and that while the stranger did not have any children yet, she shared some details about her nephew. She mentioned how difficult it was sometimes for her sister to have a night out because she was nursing her young baby, which led to me mentioning the monthly Breastfeeding Cafe that I attend and how much it has helped me to have the support and education that it offers.

Mind Your Own Vag....

Ok. That was a little blunt. But, seriously people...Mind your OWN Vag.
Let me explain what I mean.

This is a lovely phrase I picked up during my pregnancy with Monkey from an online parenting forum. As all forums go, there was arguing about every single detail regarding the pregnancy and the postpartum stage.

WARNING!
I am going into Exaggeration Mode.

Monkey's Birth: The Beginning of My Crunchy Journey

My Monkey's actual birthday is tomorrow, but my labor actually started on January 3, 2011. So here is my birth story, explaining what I went through last year on this date and the journey that got me there, culminating with Monkey's birth. Prepare yourself. It is LONG.

Where Did This Crunch Come From?

While I live in a pretty rural area, my town is large enough that many things are "mainstream". I went with the mainstream for many things growing up, including when I started my family. The only choices I made that were not mainstream for my area was to breastfeed and co-sleep. Well, I made the decision to breastfeed. Co-sleeping was more of a happy accident, a necessity for two tired college students to get sleep with their new baby.


Beyond that, I was the poster child for mainstream. My pregnancy nutrition consisted of taking a prenatal vitamin and eating whatever I wanted, although I tried to eat relatively "healthy" for meals. My childbirth education consisted of the class at my local hospital, where I learned more about standard hospital policies than pregnancy and childbirth. I honestly learned more about pregnancy and birth in high school health and human anatomy classes than in the hospital sponsored childbirth and breastfeeding classes. My births with my oldest two children consisted of pitocin, epidurals, *fear* and doing whatever the nurses told me I should be doing.