Gratitude List: To Prevent Flipping Your Shit

The last few days have been a rollercoaster. Mostly things I cannot control, yet rain down chaos and frustration from the heavens. I have had several not-so-proud mama moments. I have yelled. I have given mean looks. I have threatened. And I even flipped my shit exactly once.

I went through something similar to this a few years ago. It was not pretty. I did not like the person I was during that rough patch, let alone the parent I was. But I managed to soldier on and learned a lot from it. Namely, the warning signs that shit flipping was imminent so that I could head it off at the pass. Trust me, that is a HUGE deal. If not for me knowing those signs, I might be curled up somewhere quoting The Mad Hatter. You know, after flipping my shit...times infinity.

One of the things that has stuck with me a lot lately is this:

I have calmed the storm in my mind by thinking of these words. I do need to focus more on what is going right than wrong, especially in times like this. It leads to less shit flipping, as previously stated.

I remember in 8th grade English class that we did a project in November where we kept a list and wrote 5 things daily that we were grateful for. At the time, I was dealing with crappy family situations and the death of a close friend. I truly NEEDED that daily list, it helped me through.

The teacher kept emphasizing the importance of recognizing these things in our life that we were thankful for because it was good for the mind and soul. My first few days were filled with "typical" things: parents, siblings, home, friends, food. But it evolved to more: the cool crisp in the air, the warmth of the autumn sun, the acrobatic leaves swirling through the sky. Focusing on the mini-blessings helped to ease the burden of the big picture.

As I have struggled the last few days, I have found my soul reminding my heart of little things that have had a positive effect, even if minute. Hopefully listing them will help me lift my spirit a little further out of this funk and maybe help someone out there in the Interwebz.

So here is my handy dandy Gratitude List (TOO much Blues Clues lately, it is affecting my handy dandy vocab) from the last few days, in no particular order.

10 Parenting Principles I Wish I'd Known: Episode Eight

I absolutely DESPISE when strangers interfere with my kids. I mean, how dare they?! I do not want a stranger (or even some family and friends) giving unsolicited advice, trying to discipline my kids, etc.

But this week I become that crazy mom that interferes with a stranger's kids.
And I am NOT ashamed.

8) Learn When to Interfere with Other People's Kids

I was driving on a busy road that has a speed limit of 45 mph, but most vehicles go 50-55. I crested a blind hill that then quickly goes down to sharp turns. At the top of the hill on one side is an embankment, where I found 3 kids taking turns rolling down the hillside toward the road, which is maybe 5 feet from the bottom of the hill. SERIOUSLY?!

Weekend Derailed by my Kids' Weird Stages

You ever have one of those days where you have huge plans, then a series of unfortunate events causes your productivity to come to a screeching halt? Yeah, that's been my weekend.

I'm supposed to be sunning diapers, making freezer meals, and sorting kids clothes to pull out everything too small to donate and sell.

Instead, I finished a book series, .....

Actually, that was the height of my weekend productivity.

I think a large part of my derailed efficiency is that my kids have turned into demon spawn. (not literally, but DEFINITELY figuratively)

10 Parenting Principles I Wish I'd Known: Episode Seven

7) You are Not Your Parents

Ok, so we have already went over how your children are not you in my last episode.

Now we are going to discuss how you are not your parents.

And I know what you are going to say:
"But, I know so many people who are JUST like their mom/dad!"
Well, that's great!

My point is: It doesn't have to be.

Platinum Boobies: A Double Edged Sword

So last week, my boobies went platinum.

And no, I'm not talking about this:

In My Daughter's Eyes...

I went to my last Mother's Day Tea on May 10th. Ok, not my last ever, but my last for a while. My children's elementary school does a Mother's Day Tea for the Kindergarten and Pre-K classes each year. I went to Sassy's Pre-K Tea, then her Kindergarten Tea, and then Diva's Pre-K tea. And now I have had my last Mother's Day Tea for a while with Diva's Kindergarten Tea since I will not attend another until Monkey is in school in a few years.

It was very cute and very fun. The kids sang, then joined us at the tables to show us all the gifts they had made. You can read all about them in my Mother's Day post that will be coming soon, but one gift really hit a nerve and I thought it deserved it's very own post.

The students each completed a fill-in-the-blank sheet about their moms. This is Diva's sheet:

Very cute, right? But I want to break it down piece by piece, because it shows you exactly how my daughter sees me as a Mom.

How I Became "That Weird Breastfeeding Mom"

When I was pregnant with Sassy, I was a scared young college student. Worried about what this unexpected blessing would do to my life, but even MORE worried about what I would do to her life. I mean, I don't have the best relationship with my parents. Although this is not the time or place to get into that. Suffice it to say that my childhood gave me many examples of how I did NOT want to parent. So suddenly realizing that I was about to become a parent was scary.

There were many things I was unsure of, but I focused much more on the end result of having the baby instead of the journey of pregnancy and birth. I made many choiices because it was just "the thing that people do." I willingly followed every recommendation and request of all the medical professionals I met during my pregnancy because I knew very little about how birth really worked. To sum it up, I did a LOT of things that I would have done differently if I had bothered to educate myself.

But do you know the one thing that I did "right?" I decided to breastfeed. So many people in my life said that it was pointless to try because I could just use formula. They said it was "ok for other people, but I think it's gross to have a baby sucking on your boob." They said it would be too hard and I should not bother putting myself through the heartache. But I decided that women had fed babies by breastfeeding for generations, therefore I would give it a try. Worse case scenario? My baby would have formula.

10 Parenting Principles I Wish I'd Known: Episode Five

5) Family Time is Important. And Necessary. And Intimidating. But It Shouldn't Be.

Some families have great traditions from early on. Family Game Night. Pizza Night. Movie Night. Lots of things that the family does together that strengthens the bond they share.

Those families are lucky.

Then you have families that struggle to find that family time. Families that get lost in the daily grind of work, school, etc. Families who spend a lot of their "down time" reading and watching TV in separate rooms. Not really the best way to strengthen family bonds.

Many of the families that fall into Category B want to find more meaningful family time, but it can be intimidating.

In today's world, we are flooded with images of "perfect" families. Don't get me wrong, we also see dysfunctional families and lots of other things. But how many times have you been watching TV and run across a show that shows some family spending time together, looking so happy, usually after resolving some big drama much more easily than you ever could in real life. Or seen the same thing in a movie. Or ran across a book or magazine with a magic list of fun things to do with your family. And searching for "fun things to do with my family" yields over 308 million hits on Google.

So many people get stuck trying to figure out the best way to spend time with their family.

Go to the park? Go to a ball game? Go camping? Amusement park? Gardening? Trip out of town? Cooking? Swimming? Scavenger hunt? Game Night? Movies? Zoo? Bowling? Laser Tag? Scrapbook? Play Barbies? Bakugan? Build a fort? Talent Show? Fly a kite?

Feeling overwhelmed yet?

So many people get so caught up in trying to figure out what to DO for family time that they get overwhelmed and end up not doing anything that they feel is "special" family time. Sure, you still spend time together as a family, but you are not doing the activities that make you FEEL like you are getting that special bonding time.

I had always thought that I would be "that mom." You know, the one that bakes cookies with her kids weekly, has family game night once a week, plans a new activity each weekend, etc. We'd go camping one weekend, bowling the next, day trips to the zoo, etc.

Then I had kids. And it can be EXHAUSTING just getting through the daily grind, let alone planning and executing special family time.

Hubby and I both have full-time jobs. He is very involved in several fraternal organizations. I am involved in several things of my own. Sassy and Diva have school. And Monkey is a toddler. 'Nuff said. We have some responsibility or activity almost every weekend. Out of the next 6 weekends, each one has at least 1 major event except one. Evenings during the week involve coming home from work/school, dinner, homework, and bedtime routine. Not a lot of space for additional family activities other than our usually already packed weekends.

So I understand how overwhelming it can be to make time for quality family time. I get it.

But do you know what I have realized?

We don't NEED to plan and execute special family time to HAVE special family time.

It has taken me some time to learn this lesson, mostly because I had all these grand ideas of what quality family time should be. Like when you are in the kitchen and you envision yourself as Julia Child, Anthony Bourdain, or Rachel Ray. And really you are burning grilled cheese and overcooking your pasta.

Let me give you an example. A few weekends ago, we had events and meetings on Saturday. On Sunday, we spent some time at my MIL's in the morning, then had a birthday part early in the afternoon. Afterwards, we had a few hours free until dinnertime. So we decided to get the family out to enjoy the spring weather. Just spur of the moment, we decided to head for a local park.

Nothing fancy.
No big activities.
Just a small playground and a scenic overlook of our city.

We let the kids play on the playground

Monkey monkeyed around with Hubby's help

Sassy struck a pose on one of the cannons

Diva struck a pose on top of the playground

I even tried to get a family photo of all 3 kids. And failed. Monkey looks most unhappy. And slightly constipated.

But it was still a great time. We were there for a little over an hour at a small park less than 10 minutes from our home. It just goes to show you that some of the most special quality family time you will spend is unscripted and spontaneous instead of orchestrated and meticulously planned.

You don't have to make big plans to spend time with your family.

Just DO it and memories will happen.

10 Parenting Principles I Wish I'd Known: Episode Four

4) Frustrations Transform to Teachable Moments

Remember back in the day when you were in high school and you would be heading for the water fountain, only to be cut off by some jerk who then took their time guzzling down water while you waited impatiently? Yeah, that was frustrating.

At least I *thought* that was frustrating. Until I actually had kids.

Now imagine that you were heading for the water fountain and some jerk cut you off, but while you are impatiently waiting you now have a baby crying and a child yelling "I WANT WATER NOW!!!" All while feeling the glare of the judging eyes of everyone around you because you cannot control your kids.

Yes. THAT is frustrating.

Kids make everyday frustrations magnify. And once you have kids, your frustrations will multiply like naughty little bunnies.

It's ok that I'm talking about rabbits multiplying because it is Easter and bunnies are everywhere right now.

Opposites Attract

Opposites attract.
Likes attract also, but aren't nearly as interesting.
When opposites attract, the reaction can create quite a spectacle.

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this. I know I would be. My blog has mostly focused on a few areas of my life where I have developed some "crunch." Or as I refer to it, a little more natural, a little more green, and a whole lot cheaper. So why am I delving into something that seems so far removed from my usual posts?

Because my life is FULL of opposites attracting.
And by that, I mean that Hubby is truly my polar opposite so much of the time.
This causes some conflicts at times. And by conflicts, I mean full on battles in the war that is parenting and life in general.

We are not always on the same page for many of the issues that come up in the course of our marriage, family, and lifestyle. This can cause some...let's call it marital discord.




Marital Discord



10 Parenting Principles I Wish I'd Known: Episode Three

3) You Will Feel a Wide Range of Emotions. At The Same Time.

Before I had children, I had felt a wide range of emotions. I had felt love. Anger. I had been proud of my loved ones. Astonished at their actions. Shocked by their audacity. Frustrated. Flabbergasted and speechless at times. But rarely were these emotions felt concurrently.

Then I had children.

10 Parenting Principles I Wish I'd Known: Episode Two

FINALLY getting back to posting. Monkey has been in bed for hours. Girls are having sleepovers with Grandma and my aunt. And my insomnia is in full swing. So I've decided to be productive!

2) Grow a Thick Skin. And Moisturize It.

I was told today by a friend that I need to write a "New Parent's Guide to Dealing with Stupid People." Although I do not use them as often as I feel like it (damn internal filter), I have been known to make snarky and sarcastic remarks to people who shove their nose in my business. You see, as soon as you find out you are going to be a parent, you WILL be judged for every single decision you make. You WILL be interrogated about your decisions. You WILL hear comments about how your method isn't working.

10 Parenting Principles I Wish I'd Known: Episode One

Each of us can look back on our lives and wish we had known something "back then" that we know now. I had read a quote not to long ago that was along the lines of "Better to get the information before the decision instead of getting the information after the decision and regretting the choice that was made."

That got me thinking. I'd already posted before about my perspective on my parenting past. I have no regrets, only experience. But what if I had made different decisions because I had access to different information? What do I wish I had known "back then" that I know to be true in my heart now?