Dream: Unassisted Footling Breech Homebirth by Surrogate

Sleep deprivation can do some very strange things. Including give you a homebirth.

WHAT?!

Yep. Sleep deprivation gave me a homebirth the other morning. With the biggest twist EVA!

I'd been up late the night before, as in all night. I caught about 2 hours of sleep after getting the kids off to school with Hubby and woke up from the most vivid, realistic dream I think I've ever had.

So what did this dream involve?

An unassisted homebirth (no midwife or doctor).
In someone else's home, not mine.
Oh, and baby was a footling breech.
And did I mention that I was a surrogate for my long-time friend, Ashley?

Let me walk you through the weirdness that is my subconscious:

Dream: Unassisted Footling Breech Homebirth by Surrogate

Gratitude List: To Prevent Flipping Your Shit

The last few days have been a rollercoaster. Mostly things I cannot control, yet rain down chaos and frustration from the heavens. I have had several not-so-proud mama moments. I have yelled. I have given mean looks. I have threatened. And I even flipped my shit exactly once.

I went through something similar to this a few years ago. It was not pretty. I did not like the person I was during that rough patch, let alone the parent I was. But I managed to soldier on and learned a lot from it. Namely, the warning signs that shit flipping was imminent so that I could head it off at the pass. Trust me, that is a HUGE deal. If not for me knowing those signs, I might be curled up somewhere quoting The Mad Hatter. You know, after flipping my shit...times infinity.

One of the things that has stuck with me a lot lately is this:

I have calmed the storm in my mind by thinking of these words. I do need to focus more on what is going right than wrong, especially in times like this. It leads to less shit flipping, as previously stated.

I remember in 8th grade English class that we did a project in November where we kept a list and wrote 5 things daily that we were grateful for. At the time, I was dealing with crappy family situations and the death of a close friend. I truly NEEDED that daily list, it helped me through.

The teacher kept emphasizing the importance of recognizing these things in our life that we were thankful for because it was good for the mind and soul. My first few days were filled with "typical" things: parents, siblings, home, friends, food. But it evolved to more: the cool crisp in the air, the warmth of the autumn sun, the acrobatic leaves swirling through the sky. Focusing on the mini-blessings helped to ease the burden of the big picture.

As I have struggled the last few days, I have found my soul reminding my heart of little things that have had a positive effect, even if minute. Hopefully listing them will help me lift my spirit a little further out of this funk and maybe help someone out there in the Interwebz.

So here is my handy dandy Gratitude List (TOO much Blues Clues lately, it is affecting my handy dandy vocab) from the last few days, in no particular order.

Mother's Day 2012

First of all, YES, I know that Mother's Day was 2 months ago and I am WAY late. But I have lots to talk about and lots to show you, so DEAL with it.

This year, I had a pretty rocking Mother's Day. And I have all the pictures to prove it. So be prepared to be PHOTOBOMBED!

Platinum Boobies: A Double Edged Sword

So last week, my boobies went platinum.

And no, I'm not talking about this:

How I Became "That Weird Breastfeeding Mom"

When I was pregnant with Sassy, I was a scared young college student. Worried about what this unexpected blessing would do to my life, but even MORE worried about what I would do to her life. I mean, I don't have the best relationship with my parents. Although this is not the time or place to get into that. Suffice it to say that my childhood gave me many examples of how I did NOT want to parent. So suddenly realizing that I was about to become a parent was scary.

There were many things I was unsure of, but I focused much more on the end result of having the baby instead of the journey of pregnancy and birth. I made many choiices because it was just "the thing that people do." I willingly followed every recommendation and request of all the medical professionals I met during my pregnancy because I knew very little about how birth really worked. To sum it up, I did a LOT of things that I would have done differently if I had bothered to educate myself.

But do you know the one thing that I did "right?" I decided to breastfeed. So many people in my life said that it was pointless to try because I could just use formula. They said it was "ok for other people, but I think it's gross to have a baby sucking on your boob." They said it would be too hard and I should not bother putting myself through the heartache. But I decided that women had fed babies by breastfeeding for generations, therefore I would give it a try. Worse case scenario? My baby would have formula.

Opposites Attract

Opposites attract.
Likes attract also, but aren't nearly as interesting.
When opposites attract, the reaction can create quite a spectacle.

You're probably wondering where I'm going with this. I know I would be. My blog has mostly focused on a few areas of my life where I have developed some "crunch." Or as I refer to it, a little more natural, a little more green, and a whole lot cheaper. So why am I delving into something that seems so far removed from my usual posts?

Because my life is FULL of opposites attracting.
And by that, I mean that Hubby is truly my polar opposite so much of the time.
This causes some conflicts at times. And by conflicts, I mean full on battles in the war that is parenting and life in general.

We are not always on the same page for many of the issues that come up in the course of our marriage, family, and lifestyle. This can cause some...let's call it marital discord.




Marital Discord



Weight Loss Wednesday: Week 8

Ok, Ok. I know that I am 2 days late for my post. This has been a very busy week again. I was not sleeping well at the beginning of the week, so Wednesday evening I was exhausted. Hubby had a meeting, leaving me alone with the kids. As soon as we finished dinner, Monkey nursed and went to bed, then the girls went to their room to watch a show before bedtime. I decided that I deserved a night off since everyone was in their rooms by 7:30, so I settled in with a cup of pomegranate and blueberry tea and caught up on some shows that have been sitting on my DVR. It was amazing to have an entire evening of downtime, just laying around, all curled up in a blanket. Then last night we were at my MILs for dinner, so I decided to wait and post tonight.

This last week I did lose a little weight:

Weight Loss Wednesday- Week 2

One week DOWN! And I didn't do too bad for my first week overall. I keep having to remind myself that healthy changes will not happen overnight and I need to take baby steps. And I'm not referring to my weight, rather the healthy changes in my goals.

Breasts: What Just Happened Here?

Ok, now that I've got your attention, let me explain. :-P

It is a known fact that motherhood changes a woman's body. This includes her hips, her abdomen,  and her breasts.

It is a myth that breastfeeding causes deflated, saggy boobs.

Pregnancy causes the changes in your breasts.

Weight Loss Wednesday- Week 1

And so my journey begins. One year ago today, my Monkey was born. After that date, I did what many typical moms do. I lost a lot of weight, then slowly started packing it back on. Before I realized I was pregnant with Monkey, I had quite the magic algebraic equation to explain the weight I gained after Diva was born:

Sweet tea obsession + Junk food habit + Depo Provera + lack of exercise =

Nicole + 40 lbs (at least)

Monkey's Birth: The Beginning of My Crunchy Journey

My Monkey's actual birthday is tomorrow, but my labor actually started on January 3, 2011. So here is my birth story, explaining what I went through last year on this date and the journey that got me there, culminating with Monkey's birth. Prepare yourself. It is LONG.

The Daycare Meltdown

My Monkey is nearly 1 year old. I returned to work at around 8 weeks postpartum, but I know many women that wait until 1 year or longer if they are able. I have many friends that are looking at getting back in the workforce. For many of us, this means that our babies will be with another provider, whether that be a babysitter, nanny, family member, in-home daycare, or daycare center.

This means that the inevitable will happen: You will go to pick up your child and your poor baby will be a cranky, emotional mess as soon as you get there. It will break your heart. It will make you think they are sad to be leaving their provider instead of being happy to see you. Because, really, WHY would a child who is happy to see Mommy be crying?

New Resolutions for the New Me

Yep, I've been sucked in. I've decided to do a stereotypical list of my New Year Resolutions. I figure that the best way to commit to some new changes is to put them on the Internet, cursing them to live there forever.

Many of my resolutions are related to this crunchy layer that is slowly creeping further and further into my life. Others are the typical resolutions that most people make. So, here's a countdown of what I want to work on in 2012 and some of the tools that I plan to utilize.

Nursing Ninja- The Shadow Breastfeeder




After yesterday's post, I had a discussion about being a "Nursing Ninja" with some of my friends and decided it would be helpful if I share my personal steps to attaining the esteemed position of Nursing Ninja- The Shadow Breastfeeder.

NIP- Ninja Status

This week, it seems like I have seen more NIP news stories than ever before. For those that are not aware, NIP is an acronym for Nursing In Public. Target stores across the country were descended upon yesterday for "nurse-ins" to protest the treatment one nursing mother received in November. That nursing mother was sitting in a quiet corner, nursing her baby, using a blanket to cover up. Not one but TWO Target employees at the store in question told her that she needed to move somewhere else if she was going to be nursing her baby.

But, it's not just Target. Nursing mothers have been told that they should move to a different location in businesses, parks, and even in their own home. There is a history in our country of nursing mothers being told they should move to the restroom to nurse. Yet each flush of each toilet creates a microscopic mist of germs that takes hours to settle on the surfaces in the bathroom. I certainly don't want my BABY touching the wall of the toilet stall that some jerk is trying to tell me I should be nursing in instead of nursing discreetly at a restaurant. Unless he wants to come in and lick the walls clean first.

Where Did This Crunch Come From?

While I live in a pretty rural area, my town is large enough that many things are "mainstream". I went with the mainstream for many things growing up, including when I started my family. The only choices I made that were not mainstream for my area was to breastfeed and co-sleep. Well, I made the decision to breastfeed. Co-sleeping was more of a happy accident, a necessity for two tired college students to get sleep with their new baby.


Beyond that, I was the poster child for mainstream. My pregnancy nutrition consisted of taking a prenatal vitamin and eating whatever I wanted, although I tried to eat relatively "healthy" for meals. My childbirth education consisted of the class at my local hospital, where I learned more about standard hospital policies than pregnancy and childbirth. I honestly learned more about pregnancy and birth in high school health and human anatomy classes than in the hospital sponsored childbirth and breastfeeding classes. My births with my oldest two children consisted of pitocin, epidurals, *fear* and doing whatever the nurses told me I should be doing.